I don't know why and I feel really guilty about this, but I just have never felt genuinely sad about the killings in Blacksburg, Virginia. I'm not connecting emotionally with it. I obviously find it sad and horrific, but something in me doesn't really change or really care in a way that causes me to live differently. I have probably thought more about the shooter than the victims. I feel like he is as much a victim as a villain. The signs were all over the place about this guy. He refused to let anyone in. It seems like several people tried to connect in some way with him, but he just shut everyone out. I hope and pray that we can reach our fringe/weird kids in our youth group and neighborhood.
I actually feel more emotional after writing this, but it still is more of a news story than something real. I feel like I have to mention it in my sermon this Sunday, but I'm nervous that it might sound forced or contrived.
So I do pray for the families and friends affected by this, but I am unsure of what's wrong with my emotional connection. Does anyone feel similar thoughts in any way?
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I felt like that at first.. but I think I can easily put up walls to that sort of stuff to purposely not get the emotions going. I noticed that I didn't want to hear or read much about it.. but as I did and as I listened to testimony, and then as I put myself in the shoes of the witnesses and what they must have seen and heard or family who suffered loss I could not help but have my emotions stirred. I think we all process things differently and experience different emotions at different times.. I think that whether we are connected emotionally or not.. we can see that much prayer is needed.
By the way, to anyone who reads this, it has been a good week for me to reflect on this and I have been able to connect with it more emotionally and spiritually.
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